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  We spent about an hour going from trampoline to trampoline, throwing balls at each other and laughing hysterically at how completely uncoordinated I am. If trampolining was really a sport, I’d be disqualified before I even had a chance to compete.

  It was so much fun just hanging out and enjoying my time with Brent. I had been worried it would be awkward; it was anything but. It felt so natural just the two of us hanging out together, which might have sparked one or two … or fifty daydreams about us as a couple. I had to physically shake my head every time my mind went in that direction. We couldn’t be together for several reasons, so I had to stop thinking that way.

  Of course, it didn’t help when we both jumped on the same trampoline side wall at the exact same time. We collided into each other, sending us both down onto the mat, our limbs entangled, our arms linked, our bodies bouncing together against the trampoline floor, specifically my body on top of his – just like in the movies.

  Even as we moved gently, I was frozen with my body pinned against Brent’s. My eyes were locked on his, and his were penetrating mine. We seemed to be having these types of moments quite often lately – the type of moments where neither of us spoke, letting the silence between us do the talking, letting our bodies speak for us, letting our connection speak volumes. It was a silent language that only Brent and I understood, one that said, “I want you,” and “I like you,” and “I more than like you.”

  And then I heard his next thought before it reached his mouth. “I can’t do this to Travis,” he said as he found a way to untangle us, flinging me off at the same time he scrambled away. He stood up clumsily and ran off, leaving me sitting on the bouncing floor, completely out of breath and panting at the same time. I was momentarily dazed, completely unsure of what had just transpired. And then my brain kicked in where my heart had previously taken over, and I managed to get to my feet and dashed off in the direction that Brent had just taken.

  I found him pacing in one of the corridors. “Brent,” I said his name quietly, not wanting to scare him but wanting his attention. He didn’t even register that I was there. “Brent,” I said louder, and his head snapped up to meet mine. The anguish written across his features was enough to make me take a step back. “Talk to me,” I urged. “What the hell just happened?” I asked. “Tell me what’s wrong,” I spewed demand after question after demand.

  “Nothing,” he said.

  “That wasn’t nothing,” I told him. “You ran off right after you said something about not doing this to Travis. What the hell was that? I’m your friend, Brent. If something’s bothering you, you can tell me.”

  “Not this,” he muttered.

  I took a step toward him, and then another, slowly, tentatively, afraid he’d step back. He didn’t, and soon I was right in front of him, invading his personal space. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. Just talk to me.”

  “It’s not okay,” he snapped.

  “What’s not?” I asked.

  “You,” he said so loudly I flinched. “Oh God, no, not like that, Kim. Never like that.”

  “Then how?” I asked. “Because right now, you’re making me feel like a complete asshole,” I admitted. I did feel like an asshole. I had just all but dumped Travis the day before and now I was flirting and drooling and practically attacking Brent. No wonder he fled from me.

  “I’m the asshole,” he rebutted.

  “What?” I asked, completely thrown by his response.

  “I’m the asshole that was lusting after his best friend’s girl.”

  “I … uh … huh?” I stuttered my response.

  “Fuck,” he yelled. “This is so fucked up,” he said softer, but his tone still held an edge to it. “Dammit, Kim, I love you. And I can’t because you’re Travis’.”

  “You love me?” I asked, completely and utterly shocked and unbelieving.

  “I tried not to,” he answered. “I really tried not to, but I couldn’t help falling for you. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but then you started dating Trav. I really tried to turn off my feelings then, but I just couldn’t.”

  “Travis?” I asked lamely because I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  “It doesn’t matter that you’re no longer together. You’re still his. I can’t do this, Kim. No matter how much I want to … no matter how much I want to kiss you, claim you, make you mine … I can’t.”

  “I … I understand,” I said because really, I did. And also because I was still completely taken aback by Brent’s admission.

  “I don’t want to lose you, though,” Brent said as if he was afraid this would change things. I was afraid of that too, but I didn’t say anything. “Friends? Please,” Brent pleaded.

  “Friends,” I answered with a nod after a few beats. I didn’t mean to hesitate in my answer, but I was still processing everything.

  I’d like to say the rest of the day wasn’t awkward, that we were able to switch back into friend mode as easily as Travis and I had the night before, but we didn’t. We grabbed something to eat after, went to a nearby park then a movie and dinner, and called it a day. After we had left the trampoline zone, things were visibly uncomfortable between us, but by the time we had made it to eat, we were talking and joking like nothing had happened between us. I’m not even sure who initiated the conversation because I was still pretty dazed by it all. On the outside, the day went by smoothly, like two old friends having a grand old time. But anyone who knew us knew that there was a tension there. Brent made fun of me, I said my usual stupid things, we talked about random stuff, but it felt … not quite forced, but also not as easy as it had before. But neither one of us wanted to acknowledge it, so we continued on in our day.

  “Thank you for today,” I told Brent when he dropped me off.

  “My pleasure,” he responded. We didn’t mention the giant elephant in the room that was making things difficult for us. “We’ll have another fun day soon,” he told me as he left, and I knew he meant it. We’d continue hanging out. I was sure of that. I just wasn’t sure if things would ever be the same.

  chapter thirty-four

  “You have to try hanging out again,” Lauren said after I told her about what had happened.

  “Uh … did you not just hear the same story I did?” I asked.

  “Exactly why you two need to keep hanging out. Either it will stay super weird and you’ll both be forced to act upon your unbridled desires or you’ll get over the weirdness.”

  “Who the hell says ‘unbridled desires’ anymore?”

  “I do. Now shut up and listen,” she reprimanded. “You love him, and although I’ve always known he loved you, now you have proof. Travis isn’t in the picture and all but gave you permission to go hop on the Brent Love Train-”

  “I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean Brent,” I cut her off.

  “Minor details.” She waved me off. “So go for it. Jump on that love train and ride it … ride it hard.”

  I snorted in response. “If anyone ever wondered how we became friends – that right there is why.” She giggled.

  “You both said you want to be friends, right? What do you have to lose? Go be friends,” she encouraged. “And then hopefully soon, you’ll be more.”

  “Not happening.”

  “One can hope,” she retorted. “What?” she asked after I rolled my eyes. “I can’t hope that my best friend will be happy and be with the man of her dreams?”

  “I love you too, dork,” I said as I pulled her into a hug.

  Needless to say, Lauren pushed me to make plans with Brent. It was better than the previous time, but still not one hundred percent there.

  It was like before both our feelings were out in the open, we could pretend they didn’t exist. Now that the words had been said, there was no taking them back, and things just weren’t the same. That made me so sad, and I hoped like hell that we could get over whatever was between us. Neither of us was going to make a move because of Travis, and neither of us wanted to
lose the other.

  Travis and I had texted throughout the following week, but I don’t think either of us was ready to truly hang out even though our texts seemed to say that things between us were okay. So when Travis suggested we all hang out – the three musketeers, he’d called us – I couldn’t really say no. And apparently neither could Brent.

  I found myself sitting across from Brent and Travis at a local diner. Normally, this wouldn’t have bothered me, but with the two of them on one side, I felt a little intimidated. One was my ex-boyfriend, the other was my secret love interest, and both were my really good friends. Spelled “awkward” with a capital “a.”

  It surely didn’t help that I couldn’t help but act differently around Brent, especially in front of Travis. I was afraid if I made eye contact with him too long, Travis would know something was up. I was afraid if I gave Brent too much attention, Travis would know something was up. I was afraid if I laughed too loudly at something Brent said, Travis would know something was up. I was pretty much afraid that Travis would know something was up period, which made me on edge, fidgety, and not my normal carefree self. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was a giant neon sign that something was up. I could tell by the odd looks Travis kept giving Brent and me.

  I felt like an ass.

  I knew Brent had felt Travis’ stares because he called me shortly after I made it home. “Maybe we shouldn’t hang out so much … at least until we can be around each other without the discomfort we seem to be feeling.”

  He took the words right out of my mouth. It wasn’t fair to Brent, me, or even Travis. So we needed to figure our shit out and remember how to be normal friends before we could spend time together again.

  I agreed, and we hung up, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting.

  “Oh, Kim, it’ll be okay. I promise,” Lauren said when she found me crying on the couch. “Just give it some time.”

  “And then what?” I asked. “When’s the right time to tell your ex-boyfriend that you didn’t love him, but you love his best friend.”

  “I think that’s the first time you admitted you love Brent.”

  “Ugh!” I cried out in frustration at the situation and buried my head in my hands.

  “The universe has a way of making things okay. I promise. So just tough it out for a bit and things will work out. I know it.”

  And then, like a good best friend, she brought me an assortment of sweets and pigged out with me, then we vegged out in front of the TV for the next few days, only getting up to go to school.

  By the fifth day of this, Lauren was riding my ass to get up and go be productive. She wanted to go outside and do something fun. I didn’t. I told her to go without me. She wasn’t having it.

  “Enough is enough!” she yelled. “I wasn’t even this bad after Brian.” I gave her a pointed stare. “Okay, fine, I was this bad, but he cheated on me. You still have your dreamboat. You just need to wait a little. Enough moping.”

  “I’m not moping. I’m just not in the mood to go out.”

  Lauren opened her mouth to protest when we heard a knock on the door. “I bet that’s Brent. Go open it,” she said as she literally dragged me up from the couch and pushed me toward the door. I wouldn’t have opened it if she seriously hadn’t physically shoved me all the way. Then she stepped to the side and nodded, giving me moral support and at the same time telling me she was there for me if I needed her. I nodded in response, telling her I knew and thanking her.

  Here goes nothing, I said to myself, even though I truly didn’t believe it was Brent, but wishful thinking did wonders for my imagination. I opened the door and I was surprised at who was there.

  “Trav,” I said. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  “You haven’t been answering any of my texts. I even called you a few times. And Brent’s been weird lately too,” he said it more to himself than to me. “I was worried about you.”

  “Oh … uh, sorry. I’ve just been preoccupied lately. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

  “I thought we agreed to be friends, Kim. That means not ditching me and having me think something happened to you. And whatever you’re going through, you know you can count on me, right?” he asked.

  “Yeah, sorry, I just haven’t been myself lately. Come in,” I told him, and he stepped inside. I closed the door and turned to find him and Lauren looking at each other … no, more like staring at each other as each one of them had an incurable disease and the other just discovered the cure.

  I stood back, silently watching them for a moment. I’d never seen Lauren stare at a guy with such reverence before. She shamelessly ogled hot men all the time, but the way she was looking at Travis was something else.

  And the way Travis was looking at her? He’d never looked at me that way. Never. I knew I was a pretty oblivious person, but this was obvious to a blind man. My little Travis was all grown up, finding love at first sight.

  “Trav, this is Lauren. Lauren, you finally get to meet Travis,” I announced after a minute. They shook hands and said their greetings. And then an idea hit me.

  I had wanted Lauren to be happy. I had wanted Travis to be happy. Never had it occurred to me to have them be happy together. But now that the thought was in my head, it wasn’t going anywhere.

  “You hungry?” I asked Travis. “Lauren and I haven’t eaten lunch yet, and she was just trying her hardest to get me go out. Let’s all go together,” I announced. “Just give me a minute to put some shoes on,” I said as I ran to my room, not giving either of them the chance to back out. Operation Lauravis – see, even their names sounded better together than Travis and Kim ever did – was about to commence.

  chapter thirty-five

  I suggested a quaint little restaurant a ten-minute drive from my place. I picked it mainly because I knew Lauren loved it, but also because it was cozy, and I thought cozy fit the Operation Lauravis bill pretty well.

  Travis and Lauren had gotten over their initial shock, or whatever you called that little lovey-dovey gaze thing they had going on, and talked about everything and everything. It was small talk, but it was the “get-to-know-you” kind of small talk. That was definitely a positive sign in my book.

  When we got to the restaurant, I waited a strategic two-minute time – just after the waitress brought us some waters before I yelped, “Oh, crap.”

  “What?” Lauren asked, a hint of panic in her tone.

  “Everything okay?” Travis asked.

  “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. I just remembered I forgot to turn in my paper and it’s due in …” I trailed off as I looked at my watch and pretended to check the time, “about twenty minutes. Just enough time for me to get home and email it,” I said as I started to stand up.

  “Okay, let’s go,” Lauren started as Travis began to get up.

  I pushed them both down. “No need. I got this. You guys enjoy lunch, get to know each other. After all, it’s only natural that both my besties be friends,” I urged.

  “I drove,” Travis responded.

  “I’ll catch a cab. Seriously, don’t worry about it,” I added when I got two unconvinced stares. “Gotta go,” I said as I ran out, not giving them time to pursue me.

  I knew Lauren was on to me when I heard my phone chime with an incoming text message after I’d gotten a cab. Don’t think I’m not onto you, it said.

  I responded with a winking face and headed home. The good thing about Operation Lauravis was that it kept my thoughts off Brent even when I made it home and was alone with my thoughts. I was just too anxious about Lauren and Travis to have any room in my mind for Brent.

  I swear I wore a hole in the floor with my pacing as I waited for Lauren to get home with hopefully good news about the two of them.

  Finally, the door opened and in walked Lauren with a giant smile.

  “That was quick,” I responded, noticing it had only been a little over an hour.

  “He had class,” she responded, but the smile didn’t leave h
er lips. “Kim, he’s such a great guy. I’d say it’s a shame you didn’t love him back because he’s so sweet, and nice, and just so great-”

  “You already said he was great,” I pointed out with a smirk. Lauren was rambling. It was cute.

  “Well, he is. Anyway, I’d say it was a shame, but I know that Brent is the right guy for you. And he’s pretty great too,” she said with a chuckle and an emphasis on the word great – totally mocking herself.

  “So, Travis is great … go on,” I encouraged her with my own chuckle.

  “Did you know he volunteers with the youth group? He teaches them self-defense. And he’s so smart too. And he’s so freaking yummy. You told me he was hot, but you didn’t tell me he was H-O-T.”

  “I’m pretty sure I did,” I told her.

  “I would have remembered,” she responded.

  “You like him.” It wasn’t a question. It was a flat-out statement.

  “I … what? No,” she sputtered. A definite sign she liked him.

  “Uh-huh ... sure.”

  “I … uh ... fine … I might like him a little bit. Just a little bit,” she admitted. “But it doesn’t matter because he loves you.”

  “Yeah, that would be a big fat no,” I told her. She rolled her eyes in response. “I’m serious, Lauren. Remember how you told me that Brent looked at me like a man who wanted more?”

  “Yes.”

  “And remember how you were right and I should have listened?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Well, Travis looks at you that way.”

  “No way, nope, you’re seeing things,” she protested.

  “I’m telling you, Lauren, that he never looked at me that way.”

  “You just didn’t see it on yourself,” she rebutted.

  “Trust me. Travis had stars in his eyes the minute he saw you. I truly believe in love at first sight after your first encounter, and I’m pretty sure Trav does, too. That is great, really,” I added after a beat. “I was worried he wouldn’t find someone to make him happier than I ever could. And what do you know … the person for the job was right under my nose. And Lauren, I know he’ll make you super happy, too.”